you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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