Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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