I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
