I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
