Umm I'm too high to move.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize