Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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