You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
