the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
