well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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