OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
