Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
