Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
