Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
