bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
