I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
