The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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