it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
