I wish I could teleport
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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