Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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