i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
