Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
