My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
