So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
