New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize