You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
