dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
