I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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