i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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