a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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