Just cropdusted the office
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize