That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize