Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
