The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
