I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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