I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize