Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
