ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We are two peas in an std pod
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
