Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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