someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize