you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
