Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She needs sedatives and a leash
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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