I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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