does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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