You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
