he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
