We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
