I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
