Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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