ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
