You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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