i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize