i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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