tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
