u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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