So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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