If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
