my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
