I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
