Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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