Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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