Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
