I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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