the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
