They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We have started to decorate penises.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
