My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
