i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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