He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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