He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Randomize