you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize